We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
