a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
