It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i've created a new STD.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
