May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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