I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
