I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
