spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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