addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
