**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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