I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
