____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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