I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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