Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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