I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
