I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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