even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
