Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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