he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
