Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
