my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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