Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
