no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
