What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
