I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
