I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
