I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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