one two three fourrrrnication!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
