Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
