she looked like the before picture.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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