Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
