Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
