its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
