My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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