Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
