YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
