your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
