The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
