I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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