you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
