i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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