i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
