Kiss
Puke
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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