so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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