Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
