Betty ford says i'm here all night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
