Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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