He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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