I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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