oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
