I heard we made out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
