So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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